"There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall."

While I was brainstorming the first line to shock and awe you readers, I came up blank. No seas of ideas swimming around in my brain. No attention grabbing quotes. No nothing. Just a blank Microsoft Word Document, acoustic folk music in my ears, and heavy eyelids. I was aloof in my own thinking, pondering the question that I usually write about for pleasure. On the brink of insanity my broodings were disrupted by the smell of coffee, which I am in desperate need of, and I was kindly reminded of the turning point in this quarter. Everett community college does not enroll my brain to force productivity; I enroll because I want to better myself.

It was a conversation at the Everett bus station, with my holiday season peppermint mocha, and favorite baristas in the city, that caused this reflection letter intro. Marissa said to me, “I just don’t care for Running Start students. They’re there to do the minimum and pass without any effort to actually learn something.” And to this I shook my head in agreement. She continued on with “I go to school because I want to better myself. I want to know more so I can be a better advocate of change.” It wasn’t until I was walking home from my stop that I did a harsh self evaluation. I thought to myself, “Are you really any different?”

What makes me so different from those just trying to survive their senior year? If I only worry about bettering myself, why do I break in to panic attacks with the number of assignments added daily to my “to do” list? If I’m becoming a better addition to the human race, why do I feel like I’m disappointing everyone around me including myself?

This class has been trialing for me in many surprising aspects. Writing is very much what I love. Blogs, letters, lyrics, poems, blogs you name it I’ll write it. I’ll admit I love a good argument and a good persuasive essay but… What was that? No persuasive essays? You want me to compare and contrast? Arguable thesis? No voice?!

Let’s just say that it isn’t easy to weed out my voice. I am very much used to my style, my spin, my opinions and using them to create a paper that I am satisfied with. With consent and encouragement from my teachers growing up, a perfect score on my WASL testing, and an enthused mother at my side, my voice was to be explored and used in everything and everywhere. That was until, thankfully and respectfully, this English course.

Hello, my name is Hillary Fretland. I am seventeen years old. I am what you call a social bunny rabbit. I make plans weeks in advance and volunteer at a church that I love. I enjoy a good book and strong cup of coffee. I am currently being broken of my persuasive and opinionated vocal papers. I am a running start student who got a slow start on what school really means. School is not against me, school does not wish to put me in the fetal position, and school does not want me to lose sleep. That it is in fact possible, to be for school in the mindset of this is for me as a person. Not a requirement, not hassle, but as a gateway to a beautiful take on life.

Conveniently enough this English course offered three takes on life; community, identity, and tradition. Each section created doors and doors of opportunities for me to open. Each door allowed limitless ways to see the world around me and how it applied to my life. Each door was personal.

Community challenged me to evaluate who I am and how I think of myself as well as those around me. I had to explore the possibilities and measure of what it looks like to be an insider or an outsider. This section also introduced me to a movie that I am very much in love with so I owe a lot of thanks to the community folder.

Identity searched inside my past and posed many questions about how and why people act as they do. I had to hold strong to my faith in people and their free will to act as they will but also accommodate the very different lives that people are exposed to and how that may affect their character.

Tradition proved to be an issue that I could not compose into a black and white conclusion. Do we encourage the pursuit of reforming and renewing our culture or do we protect and re-establish the traditions that provide a balance in our world? Both arguments pulled at my values and challenged me to take a stance on a tradition that is struggling to survive.

My biggest struggle this year with my writing is that I have had little to no experience with prompts that excluded my voice and opinion as a writer. I struggled right up to the very end in fact. Throughout my essays I found myself focusing too hard on certain criteria to the point of losing sight of another. I also tend to get a little personal with my subjects to the point of losing the overall purpose behind the paper. I’m not a perfect writer and I don’t think I’ll ever be truly content with the works that I present in my life, whether they are for pleasure or for college. All I know is that throughout this course I have been offered many different chances to learn; and that’s exactly what I’m doing.

The pieces I have chosen for my final representation of this quarter come from the discussion posts, blogs, and papers throughout each section.
• The critical analysis piece is a collection of posts and responses in the community unit. One of the movie selections for this unit was “Lars and the Real Girl” which was a great example of the life of the “insiders” and “outsiders” inside a community as well as a great example of a great movie!
• The piece that I am using for my revision portion of the portfolio is my final essay for the tradition unit. I chose to make a case for the tradition of modesty and how many forms of media are challenging it to become a tradition of the past. My revision will be on this essay because I focused too strongly on the forms of media and not enough on the case of-the-actual-tradition. Oops. Like I said, I get strangely passionate when I should be flexible.
• The piece that illustrates my awareness of audience and voice is also from the “Lars and the Real Girl” discussion in the community unit. This movie stirred up a lot of different questions in me that I posted for the group to discuss on. Gosh, such a great, stimulating movie.
• A piece that I think represents this course in all its doors is a collection postings and responses from the Identity unit. This unit really got me thinking about the human journey and how people from such different communities can show similar beliefs, traits, values, even habits. But ultimately this particular group of posts really pushed my boundaries to try and understand how a person’s personality can be altered by the effects of past experiences.

I hope that I come across more classes like this in my schooling. I like to be probed, presented ideas, and pushed. I don’t however like to be told to take my voice out of my papers, which is yet another reason to be thankful for the class that did. I hope you can enjoy what I found oddly difficult. Keep in mind that I am, in fact, a running start student. Who, up until the point of writing this was only attending school to get out of school. You should also keep in mind that school is for you, not against you. That it isn’t the end of the world until Jesus comes back.

;)

Thank you and enjoy!