"She wore an..."

For my Revision piece I chose my final paper from the tradition unit. This paper was especially challenging to me because of my less than satisfactory attempts with the earlier papers. I desperately wanted to create a good argument for this paper against the media for the sake of the tradition of modesty, and that’s right about where I went wrong. The object of the paper was to show how the media was challenging the tradition of my choice, not to accuse and reprimand the media for trying to rob the country of our innocence and youth. Again, oops. I think in the future I won’t choose topics so close to my temper levels because when I do, I tend to branch off into a whirlwind of emotions and yet again, more opinions.

When I got this paper back I was already nervous to see what I had received. Much to my surprise it got the lowest grade of all-my-papers. It was then that I called my mother upstairs and cried to her about how I’m not going to amount to anything in life. After I stopped being a hysterical mess I sat down and started to rewrite.

I chose a couple sections from the original and revised essay to show how I took the necessary steps of revision. My voice in this paper is undeniably present and very much accusing. I regretfully snuck a rhetorical question in there. Did you know I love those? And throughout the paper I focused too harshly on the negative effects on society instead of the medias attempts to challenge the media. In other words:

Actual paper prompt: “Develop a 3-4 page paper that analyzes how a specific cultural tradition has been challenged, altered, or undermined, therefore having some impact on society as a whole.”

Hillarys prompt: Tell the world how the media is evil and should be shut out of our youth in order for them to lead lives without pain, drugs, or divorce while also throwing in there that the tradition of modesty used to be important.

Okay so I really shouldn’t write about things too closely related to rants or topics that can turn into rants or rather topics that revolve around the evil media. Unless it is for my enjoyment of course…